Lack of connecting has to be one of the number one reasons that couples drift apart. It is so easy to do, especially when you have kids and priorities shift. We were very guilty of putting ourselves and our kids above our relationship, and when we decided that we were going to give our relationship our all, we sat down and wrote a Constitution. A list of things that we didn’t want to lose sight of after life took over again and we were less in tune with each other and our own needs. The first thing on the list was a weekly date night.

1. GO ON A DATE

Please, please……please never stop dating your lover. Try to switch things up too, so that you get some exciting new things to look forward to and dates don’t get monotonous.  We love outdoors and adventure so we go biking, hiking, kayaking, snowshoeing, anything we both enjoy. We are fortunate enough to be surrounded by a large family that is happy to take care of our kids every now and then. I realize that some might not be as lucky as us, but there are plenty of other ways you could connect with your loved one to make sure you are growing your friendship and growing your love.

2. Write love notes

Its cheesy, I know, but who doesn’t like to know that their lover was thinking about them and even took the time to write down a few words about how they feel. This not only makes the one receiving the note feel good, but it feels good to give your loved one a surprise note for them to find in their lunch, on their steering wheel, or in a coat pocket. We have a dry erase marker in our vanity and whenever we are feeling inspired, we will write the other a little note thanking the other for a great day, or letting them know what we appreciate about them. It easy,  it takes next to no time, but its very impactful. You can even send a text, email or instant message. A simple “I love you!” can even feel like a warm hug in the middle of the day.

3. Anticipate the others needs

Being sweet to the other can be easier said then done sometimes. Of course we want our lover to feel our love, but it can be exhausting. I find it hard sometimes just to think of a good gift on Christmas or a birthday. To think of special things to do daily seems like a whole other level of work. But if you simply do what you are already doing for yourself, for them too, it is nearly effortless. Some examples are: make them a plate at supper, put toothpaste on their toothbrush when you do yours, grab their coat for them and help them put it on. You know what you need, and a lot of times your lover needs the same thing. So do it for them too and wait for the smiles and appreciation.

If you have some more energy and want some extra love points, try putting some extra effort into anticipating their needs. Pack them a lunch, make them breakfast, shoot, just tie a shoe that is untied.

4. Bond after the kids go to bed

This is really more like “10 Ways” in one since I’m going to give you several examples, but we will count it as one since I’m a nice guy and feeling generous today. It is easy to look for some alone time once the kids are off to bed and turn on a video game, watch a show by yourself, work on some project, or read a book. Don’t get me wrong, we all need some alone time, but don’t forget to connect with your loved one during this time. Here are a couple of ideas:

• Play cards
• Play a board game
• Watch a Movie together
• Find a Netflix series to watch each night
• Have a drink out on the patio/porch or near the fireplace
• Read next to each other while snuggling or at least touching
• Work on a project together- even laundry or building something is better together

5. Make Love

Seems obvious, right? But how often do you really take time to make love. Are you doing it the way your partner likes it? Do you talk about it, or is it taboo? If you can get over the cliche of sex being awkward and discuss what you like, it can open some new doors. (Figuratively and literally I suppose!) Obviously there is a wide spectrum of what some people enjoy and what others would consider disrespectful or off limits, so talk it out with your partner. Have fun. Loosen up. Switch things up. Make it about him one night, and her a different night. Make sure you give verbal or non-verbal cues so your partner knows what you enjoy and go crazy. Your bodies are made for you to enjoy, so enjoy them!

6. Sleep Naked

This one is probably my favorite. There are a ton of benefits to sleeping naked with your lover, just Google it. One that stuck out to me was the increase of oxytocin, the neurotransmitter that helps you feel  more connected to your loved one. This comes from skin on skin contact. It feels great, even when your are not making love. I really enjoy waking up and being able to put my arm around my naked lover and just feel them. Plus, seeing them walk to the bathroom or crawl into bed in the buff is rather enjoyable too.

7. Speak their language

I have not completely read the book Five Love Languages, but I have taken the quiz on their site and am all in on the idea that some people want to receive love in different ways then others. In the book the 5 ways are : physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Just because a hug when you get home is the most important thing to you to let you know he loves you, doesn’t me it is to him. In fact, he might not even think that is a way to prove his love to you. Take the quiz and share your results. Even if physical touch isn’t their number one love language, you’ll find very few people that don’t enjoy a foot rub, or back scratch. No matter what, you can hardly argue that these 5 things are a good base and it can help you think of ways to show them you love them. Maybe you can think of other ways you like to receive love too.

There you have it, just a few ideas for you to keep a healthy relationship by connecting. The key is, it needs to be two sided. You have to give as well as receive and revel in the gratitude and appreciate each other. Because isn’t that what this life is all about? Love? Take care of each other and make each other happy.